We need to speak out for parents
Those with dementia might have no clue why their sons and daughters are discussing these kinds of issues.
There may be siblings who co-operate in common purpose but that's frequently not so. Arguments over parental health care can open households to the bone. For many, this period is going to be complicated, confronting and mentally draining.
You'll find unmentioned burdens of culpability and rue experienced by individuals who have to put the ageing relative into residential care. Presenting the treatment of your most desired and cherished family member into the control of other people is, for many, the most challenging decision of their lives.
Personally it was always at the leave-taking whenever the shame kicked in. It was when I typed in the four digit passcode to depart the secure dementia ward, trying to sneak away without Mother noticing me, that the shame was strongest. I was deserting this dear lady who trusted me as one of the very few people she still recognised. I couldn't look at her as I walked away.
It had been like leaving your first born in class crying on the very first days of preschool as every aspect of you wanted to take them home again. As then, and so too now, practicality wins out so you ignore that insistent voice and leave. It's not like leaving a child inside a beneficial environment in which they'll grow in self confidence and experience. No, it's leaving behind a parent in a place they won't get accustomed to and may not comprehend why they can't go back home .They may come to terms with the brand-new surroundings but it's difficult to persuade oneself that they'll flourish there, even if the care supplied is of good quality.
As soon as you've signed out and heard the door close the familiar rationalisations start to echo: Exactly what can you do? You lived very far apart and also the family home was no longer suitable or there was an unacceptable risk of tumbles. There was clearly the need for twenty four hour medical care. What else could we do differently? What could we find the money for? We've been busy. Who else would care for our children and what about the profession? Everyone decided it was the only method .
As soon as you drive away you realise again that all of this is true, and the decision was the only real practical one to consider and for the best however all of that means absolutely nothing simply because you are the one who made the decision that restricted your mother or father of their own home and liberty. And making it worse, you think of your age and whether this is actually the future that awaits you.
The thing that many of us want above all else from facilities taking care of loved ones is improved quality of care. A great location, beautiful garden and lovely furnishings are all welcome - and often used to market a home - but it's the caliber of care shown throughout the numbers, training and empathy of residential care staff that really makes the difference. Care Homes Kent write-ups as well as even more can be located on the internet site.
